Friday, August 23, 2013

It's been a while.....

 I guess I just haven't had much to say these past few months, but life has definitely been a whirlwind.  Papa R and I have finally purchased our first home together, so we have been busy getting that all put together.  And the process getting here was a  nightmare, but I'll spare y'all that.

We also decided we are getting on the Baby Numero 2 train.  Which is proving to be a bit more challenging this time around.  I have an appointment with my doctor in a few weeks to see if we can figure out what's up.  So that's been fun.

I do have so much I want to say.  I keep seeing things and saying "oooh, I should blog about that!" and then I never seem to have the energy to actually put it all down.  So I am making a promise that from now on, I will actually write what I say I am going to write about.  Unfortunately for you, it will most likely be about trying to conceive for the next little bit!  ;-)  I'm sure I'll throw in a few more things here and there for you though!

Until next time!

Thursday, October 25, 2012

The Grass is Always Greener....

For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom.  I wanted to be Donna Reed, or June Cleaver.  I would always have a home cooked meal, fresh baked goods, a tidy home and a kiss for my husband as he walked through the front door.  All while being impeccably groomed and smiling and singing all day long.

And then, I finally got what I always wanted.  I was able to stay at home with Baby R.  And let me tell you, 1950's TV lied to me!!  Don't get me wrong, I love being able to see Baby R grow and learn.  It's the rest of it that drives me crazy!

My house is rarely clean.  As I sit typing this, I have a sink full of dishes, crayons and other miscellaneous toys strewn about my living room floor, chair cushions on the floor of the front room (because where else should they go, says Baby R).  I haven't put makeup on all week, but I DID manage to cook some meals and bake some cookies.  How did these women do it??  How do the millions (?) of other stay at home moms do it?  It is a struggle day to day for me.  I've tried organizing myself.  I gave myself one room to concentrate on per day in the hopes that I would be able to keep them all up.  Problem is, those rooms don't stick to the schedule as to when they get messy!  (How rude!)  I've tried cleaning as I go, but then there is the 15 month-old tornado right behind me every step of the way.  (Oh, you wanted those to stay folded mom??  Silly woman!)  I'm pretty sure checklists won't help because I'll just forget to check them off.

Then there's the guilt.  For the majority of our relationship I was always the breadwinner.  I have now gone from being the breadwinner to contributing nothing financially to our household.  We are struggling financially and I feel immense guilt because I could be working, but I'm not.  I know that if I go back to work, we could be so much better off financially and we could give Baby R so much more.  I also feel like I am missing out socially by not working.  We live in a new place where I know very few people.  Most days the only people I see are Baby R and Papa R.  While I love them both very much, sometimes I just need a break!  And then there comes the guilt again of am I being selfish?  Should I put my child's care in the hands of strangers just because I need some "social time"?  Is it better to provide her with a financially stable life or one where I am her sole caregiver?

Would I be a better mommy to her if I did have more time to myself?  Sometimes I think I would, but then I think about all that I would miss out on if I were stuck behind a desk for 8+ hours a day.  Would she be better off in a daycare environment?  I struggle with this one the most.  I think that this is something she really needs to boost her social skills.  She does so great with other adults, but when she is around other kids her age, she doesn't really interact well.  I feel like putting her in a daycare environment would help her with that.

I guess there really is no right answer here.  Ultimately I need to do what is best for our family.  I just need to figure out what that is....

Monday, October 22, 2012

Raising a Politically Aware Child

With all the election buzz going around, I thought I would get in on the action too.  Now that I have a child I've realized that things I say and do will trickle down to her.

Now I was never one to follow politics.  When I was younger, I found them confusing.  My family never talked politics.  At least they never did in front of us.  I remember when I was in junior high, I think it was the election of Bush the 1st, I asked my mother who she had voted for in the election.  My mother turned to me and said "None of your damn business!"  I have always remembered that and to this day I am grateful that she did that.  The way my parent's raised me I was able to make up my own mind and not just blindly follow the party they did.  I still don't know what party either of my parent's belong to and honestly, I don't care.  My brothers and I each share our own views, some of them similar and some VERY different.  While I do align myself with one side, I do try to look at both (or all) candidates before making a choice.  9 times out of 10 I pick one side over the other.

My husband, on the other hand, is very politically minded.  He has such passion and he gets very heated when he sees what he perceives as injustice from the other side.  His parents are also very politically minded, so I know that he was raised in a different manner than I was.  I'm not saying this is bad, mind you, just different.

I would like to raise Baby R in a similar fashion as I was raised.  I don't want her to say "I'm this party because my mommy and daddy are".  I want her to be able to form her own opinions and if they are different from ours, then it is what it is.  Since Papa R IS so politically minded, I think this is going to be quite the challenge.

How do you handle politics in your family?  Do you openly discuss candidates?  Do you tell your children who you are voting for and why?  Do you "bash" the party you don't agree with?  I'd really love some feedback on this one.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Struggles

It has been a hard few months in the Ramberglar household.  We moved to Roswell, NM in June so that Papa Ramberglar could start working as a police officer.  We moved away from family and friends to start this new venture.  It was tough, but not unmanageable.  He was making enough money that I could stay at home and raise Baby Ramberglar.  Life was sweet, or so we thought.

Three months into the new job, there was no new job.  Papa Ramberglar had some trouble getting through the FTO process and wasn't able to correct the problems in time.  So we were 8 hours away from any family and things were looking pretty dire.  I started to look for work so I could help contribute to the finances again.  In doing my job search I came across several open teaching positions in a few of the schools here.  Well, isn't this perfect since Papa R is a licensed teacher!  So he got on the ball and applied.  He had 3 interviews lined up and was offered a position on the the same day he interviewed.  Great right??

Since his license is held in another state, he has to transfer it.  Since he is not licensed in the State of New Mexico he can only be hired on as a long term substitute teacher at HALF the pay he would make as a full time teacher.  The State tells us it could be at least 8 weeks to get this done.  Meanwhile I am freaking out because we don't have enough money to pay rent! (Or any other bills for that matter).  We've had to borrow from the in-laws so many times my brain just hurts thinking about it.  I am so grateful to them for their help.  We've also had to tuck our tails between our legs and ask for financial assistance from the government.  Hopefully we won't need it for long.

I am again looking for work.  While I love staying at home with Baby R, I miss the adult interaction.  Plus I feel like she needs to be in an environment where she is around other children.  She is great playing by herself, but she gets upset when she is around other kids.  I think the regular interaction would be good for her.  I'm hoping to get an interview in the next week or two for one of the jobs I applied for.  It would be perfect as it is for the school district and I would have summers off with Papa R. so we could take time and visit family instead of trying to cram it all into just two weeks of vacation time.

So that is what we have been dealing with on our end.  Really hoping to see the light at the end of the tunnel soon....

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Moving On

When I first got pregnant I excitedly went onto the Internet to find a group of women who would be expecting around the same time I was.  I was looking to find camaraderie and hopefully make some lasting friendships with people who were experiencing the same as me.  A bunch of us branched out from the anonymous iVillage message boards and created a group on Facebook.

As the months progressed drama ensued (as it does with hormonally charged women)  Some people left other people were removed still some of us made an offshoot group so we could talk about more controversial topics that we didn't think the others would appreciate.

A few more months went by and drama once again erupted.  Part of it was due to my blog post about Agnosticism.  (I was personally attacked for what I believe, while not attacking anyone else for their beliefs)  Part of it was due to the fact that the rest of the group found out about the 2nd group and they were hurt by it, which I can understand.

So then after some time the original group became no more.  I heard they actually started another one, and most likely were able to bring back people who left the first few times.  Which is great.  I'm sad that any of the splits had to happen.  Most of us who had been in the 2nd group as well stuck by each other and formed  closer bonds.  It truly felt as though we had a sisterhood.

Well, the drama beast couldn't leave us alone and again we found ourselves split.  I am not proud to say that I was part of the origination of the drama, but it soon turned nasty.  I tried to stay neutral and not take any one side, but I guess I didn't do a very good job of it.

Several members of the group felt as though they could no longer be a part of the drama and decided to leave.  I can't blame them for that.  I stayed because I still needed that one place I could go and vent my frustrations that I couldn't post on Facebook for all the world to see.  I needed a place to go where people could tell me I was overreacting to something my child did or that maybe I should try something I never thought of.  I am a first time mom after all, I don't know what the Hell I'm doing!

Soon after the split I got an angry text message from one of the girls.  Apparently someone had told her I was talking about her behind her back (which I wasn't).  I was able to get that straightened out pretty quickly and hopefully we are still good.  I'm pretty sure we are :-).

Another girl, who I had helped support both emotionally and financially by contributing to her business, without a word deleted me as her friend.  I was baffled by this since she was the one who had started everything and I had actually agreed with her.  I sent her a message wondering why she deleted me, and wishing her the best in her life.  I let her know I was sad to be losing her as a friend.  She never responded.  I didn't think she would.  I was told that she just didn't want to have anyone who had anything to do with the group anymore, but that seems like a lie since I know she is still friends with people who did not leave.  But that is neither here nor there.

All of that to get to my point:  Over the past month, I have seen this girl interact with the people I am mutual friends with and it was just twisting the knife in deeper and deeper.  I was so hurt that she could just drop me as a friend just like that, without a word.  We never once said anything in disagreement to each other.  She had a major life event today and several people were wishing her well and praying for her.  I just found myself angry about it.  I couldn't find it in my heart to wish her well and that is just not like me.  I decided that I can't let these things get to me so much.  I needed to be able to talk to my friends without getting angry because she was too.  So I did something that I have never once done in the many years I have had Facebook.  I used the block feature.  And it felt good.

And now writing this all out, makes me feel even better.

So I say farewell to a friendship I thought I had, but I guess was never really there.



Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Working on some stuff...

It has been way too long my friends.  I had such good intentions of writing about many things on here.  And oh have there been some doozies out there that I have wanted to tackle!  Unfortunately work, and life with an almost 8 month old have gotten in the way of my creative juices.  I have some ideas floating around in my evil little brain and I plan on working through them very soon.  Please bear with me.  I will have some new stuff up verrrrryyyy soon!

 

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Culture of Selfishness

One thing that I can't fathom about the 21st century, is how morals have been turned on their head. People who do evil things that hurt many people are defended as if they are the victims; people who help others are called, "idealists", "liberals" (even if they are conservative), or (my personal favorite) "socialists". Greed has become somehow more of an admirable trait than selflessness. The world that we live in has become stagnant and rotten.

Too many people that I see on a daily basis complain about worker protections, unions, welfare, social security (which everyone in the country pays for and it is not a "handout"), or anything else that would benefit the general public or the poor, even if they, themselves, are poor. Someone, who did not feel a need to help others in any way made up a word for such programs: "entitlements". This casts a light on the programs that isn't flattering. It suggests that the poor people who use these programs feel "entitled" to other people's money.

This sort of avarice and cynicism a decade ago was considered repugnant by the general public. It was normal to want to help those in need. Helping the poor, the crippled, and the mentally ill is a trademark of a civilized society. Allowing the rich to trample over the less fortunate is a sign of barbarism. This is practice that rears it's ugly head in 3rd and 4th world nations, or with feudal society. The fact that it is re-surfacing paints a grim picture for the future.

Whether it is a mining catastrophe that kills workers, an exploding oil rig that kills workers, or a financial catastrophe that ravages the world economy, none of those who orchestrated the tragedy, through careful planning or willful neglect, ever see justice. Crime must be punished, and it must be punished in every economic bracket.

There is a lot of footage of the CEO or COO talking about how they were careful to follow all laws and that they had no idea that there was any neglect or recklessness inside of their company. We saw this with Massey Energy, the Deepwater Horizon, Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, Goldman Sachs, and many more. I have observed more interviews with these sort of executives than I can count, and I haven't witnessed a single reporter attacking them with questions.

Moreover, the United States Government has taken to propping up these industries when they make fatal mistakes that hurt thousands or millions of people, instead of allowing them to go into financial wreckage or be litigated into oblivion, under the argument that it will cost workers their jobs. This, of course, is a silly reason to do so. Their is still a market for the good or service that these corporate monstrosities offer. One company will pick up where the other left off. The new company will employ the workers that have been let go and maybe treat them better then their previous failed employer. Letting these companies fail is nothing but a boon to the world.

Of course, the media, the elected officials, and the public go along with the poorly justified dismissal of consequence. Just to be clear, these people are thieves, liars, and murderers, but because they are greedy and rich, for some odd reason, they are treated like the victims. They need to be incarcerated with the other thieves, liars, and murderers in our society, because allowing them to run amok will turn our world into a desolate wasteland.

Contrast that with the current situation with schools. Nobody becomes a teacher because they are greedy and want to make a lot of money. It is a thankless job with dismally low pay that people do in order to work for the greater good. These people care about children and they care about a well-educated and informed public. Sadly, this seems like the least respected career path in the nation.

Schools have been under attack for my entire lifetime. There is a constant stream of budget cuts, "teacher accountability measures" (trying to measure a teacher's worth in an underfunded school), and individual groups openly trying to attack them. A good example of an individual group is the anti-tax group "Empower Texans". According to the NPR story on budget cuts in Texas, Michael Sullivan, the group's president, said that "tons of money" has been thrown at education.

Of course, the NPR story neglected to give the only information that really mattered: the yearly budget, the resources the school lacks, how much those resources add to the yearly budget, and how much the district was being given. It is difficult to say how devastating a budget cut is if that information is not given. Perhaps that is why it wasn't given.

They also neglected to mention Mr. Sullivan's qualifications. Does he have a background in education? Does he have a background in accounting, and has he had a look at the district's budget? Based upon his general lack of specific information given by Mr. Sullivan in the interviews, I find these options unlikely.

This prompts me to ask other questions: Is he a radical anti-tax lawyer like Douglas Bruce in Colorado? Is he just some hillbilly that was fed a bunch of "information" by a third party? The anti-tax lawyer scenario is likely, but based on the lack of real information used, I find the hillbilly scenario much more likely. These are all questions that should have been asked by the reporter who was interviewing him. NPR markets itself as a reliable news source, but this story was a whitewash.

The only part of this story that wasn't a whitewash was the mention of a 5 billion dollar nest egg that the State of Texas was reserving for an economic crisis, that lawmakers refused to touch to help the failing schools. This is yet more abuse to a benevolent institution. (If anyone wants to read the story, look at: http://www.npr.org/2011/12/22/144079041/texas-schools-grapple-with-big-budget-cuts.)

As a society, we need to change our ways. Cruelty to the poor and weak is barbaric and propping up blood merchants is foolish. I have a few suggestions to help ourselves: First, always consider the source of information. If somebody displays an opinion, question that person's qualifications and motivations. Second, feel free to use your own moral compass. If somebody is asking you to support something that seems cruel or unethical, chances are, it is cruel and unethical, and it does not deserve your support. Third, do not go along with the crowd. The 21st century is plagued with group-think. Large quantities of people are supporting things that they don't really believe in because their social group is supporting it. Last, and most importantly, get involved. There is not point of having opinions if you don't do anything with them. Most of the corrupt do not want to see the average person vote or publicly display their views and values, so voting and displaying your values might be a good place to start.